Why not

I thought I'd drop you all a little note letting you know what's been going on.  

On Wednesday I had surgery to fix some of the female issues you can get after having babies and especially twins.  It was supposed to be an overnight stay and then on to recouperate at home.  Things did not start off as anticipated.  I apparently lost quite a bit of blood during the surgery and them bled more than expected in recovery.  Thursday was painful and I was still having more than normal bleeding so they booked me another night.  

Friday was even worse, I spiked a fever, and they couldn't figure out where it was coming from, was nauseous and the pain was worse.  Had a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis and a chest X-ray and everything came back good.  So because of the fever I have been on iv antibiotics and will have to be on them through today at least.  I also have to be on oral antibiotics for 24 hours before I can go home.  If you're keeping track that is at least Monday.  

So my simple surgery and recovery had definitely not gone as planned.  

Thank you to all my family and friends who have stepped up to the plate to help us put during this frustrating time.  Especially to Ben and Hillary for helping out and watching some kids, and Jenny and Andrea for the coffee and moral support, and Crystal and Melissa for wanting to feed me real food and treats, and Jacquelyn for taking time to come keep me company!  You are all amazing and I love you!!

Once I'm feeling better I'll try to get back into some regularly schedule posts.

Until next time.

Introversion

I have a strange personality.

I'm shy; I used to be painfully so and people thought I was just bitchy and stuck up.  I'm a classic introvert.  A perfect day to me would be being able to sit quietly, alone, reading books or watching a movie I love.

Introverts out there can purchase this awesome shirt by clicking on the following link:

http://skreened.com/iloveyourshirt/introverts-unite-individually

I was even treated for several years when I was younger for social anxiety disorder.  I would make myself sick before social events and avoid them completely.  I'm much more comfortable these days in social situations but if I don't know you I'm still very quiet.  Once I get to know you though I will talk your ear off and let you see the nerdy, quirky real side of me.  And once we are friends I am typically a very loyal friend and I will see you through to the end!

Self esteem has also been a lifelong struggle of mine.  I've always felt too fat, not pretty enough and just plain not good enough for a lot of things.  It's taken me years but I have finally gotten to the point where I am not really concerned with what other people think of me.  I am happy in my own skin and that in turn makes my other relationships happier!

The hubby travels a lot.  When he's gone it's usually the four boys and I fending for ourselves.  But the longer he's gone and the longer it's just the boys and I, I tend to retreat into myself.  We don't go anywhere, we have days where we don't get out of pajamas, and I slowly text or call my friends less and less.  It's a vicious cycle, and while I'm in that cycle I hate it.  It's miserable and lonely and I want to talk to people but then find excuses to not do it.  It's hard to drag myself out of this cycle, and it typically takes some time after the hubby returns to come out of it.  I love spending time with my friends but it's so hard with all the boys that if he hubby's not around I just don't do it and that's what would be the best medicine for me.  Once I'm out doing stuff (most of the time) we all have fun and enjoy it, but it's the getting me there that can sometimes be a problem.

I really have to appreciate and thank my friends who stick with me, and put up with my withdrawal during these cycles!  I have some amazing friends that it seems like we can go days or even weeks of not talking and then we fall right back into where we were.  But friendship is work just like a marriage, and I need to make myself put in my share of the "work."  I need to force myself to make the calls and texts, and try to suggest plans for outings or play dates.  I'm doing better, but there are some that need a little extra effort to keep in touch right now and I'm trying!

I'm a work in progress....but aren't we all!

Until next time!

Random Thoughts for Today

Happy Wednesday everyone!

I'm sitting here enjoying my second cup of coffee, twins are napping, laundry is drying and kiddos are watching a movie.  I don't want to bring the universe's attention to it, but it is a relaxing moment amidst the chaos!

Lately I find myself laying awake at night and in the early morning hours composing blog posts in my brain. I tend to lose them though as my brain tends to go about a millions miles a minute, and a have a debilitating condition commonly known as "Mommy Brain."  It's real.  I try to write down any ideas that drift across my thoughts when I can in my notebook, but I can't always get to it.  So today is a random sit down and type post!

I have so many things I want to write about that I find it hard to focus sometimes.  My birthday is coming up and I find myself feeling lost and reflective.  I'm immersed in motherhood and the day to day struggles that accompany that.  I think I've talked about this before but it's something I find myself thinking about a lot.  I am a mother but that is not my whole identity.  Factoid:  I actually was a real functioning human before I became a mother.

I feel like I've lived almost half a lifetime and have not accomplished much of anything.  I love being a mother and I love my boys more than anything but I sometimes feel unfulfilled.  Changing diapers, doing laundry, cleaning and playing referee between fighting boys is not exactly intellectually stimulating.  

I've always been the kind of person who was good at many different things but not amazing at one single thing.  What I want more than anything right now is to find what I'm meant to do.  Something I love, enjoy and am passionate about.  I've worked in a lab, I've worked as an X-ray tech in hospitals and clinics.  None of these have been bad and I'm a pretty good X-ray tech if I do say so myself but I have so many things I want to do!

My amazing friend Melissa from The Crazy Celiac just launched her own small business called Pippin's Gluten Free Pastries!  I am so proud of her!  She's found her passion and she acted on it!  I am a little jealous as well though - which is ok to admit!  

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pippins-Gluten-Free-Pastries/335463473274402

I have several ideas for small businesses running through my head but have no idea how to even begin to attempt such things, especially while having four boys under the age of eight.  I would love to form some kind of business, perhaps with other mommy friends, and be able to mesh the raising of kids with a successful small business.  I'm sure these are all pipe dreams; I have no business background, no capital and no ability to write a business plan.  But I can dream, right?  

So I'll continue to change diapers, make meals and wash clothes, but as I fall asleep I'll imagine a world where all my ideas come to fruition.  That and one where all the boys behave, don't fight and clean up their own messes.  That one would be awesome too. 

A day in the life...

So today I thought I'd give you a glimpse into what I call the organized chaos that is my life.  At least a summer-vacation-with-five-kiddos-around kind of day.  I'll generalize a normal day and combine it with my adventurous day today.

Stayed up too late last night watching a movie with the hubby.  Great movie and I got to hang out with just him which doesn't happen very often.  The babies- I have got to stop calling them that- the twins, were up and quite unhappy before 6:30 am.  This is a time that I have fondly referred to in the past as "the butt crack of dawn."  Now, I'm not quite sure what time they actually woke up, but when my brain finally registered that it was hearing two angry toddlers yelling at me I looked at the clock and it said 6:28.

This for me is painful, but not necessarily surprising.  For someone who loves to sleep in I have been cursed with early rising children.  Pre-children I could sleep in until 10 or 11am!  When I finally hauled my zombie-like self (no coffee yet) out of bed to get the screaming toddlers I discovered the older two were up as well.  Bring on the day I guess. 

I get the twins changed and dressed and put in their seats at the island in the kitchen.  Bananas get sliced and milk poured so I can deal with the older kiddos who have decided they need breakfast and if they don't get it in the next 30 seconds they will probably keel over.  If you are keeping track, I still have not managed to get myself coffee yet so all of this is typically not dealt with very pleasantly on my part.  I should be approached with caution before coffee consumption.

Ok, so older kiddos get breakfast.  Typically cereal of some kind, I try to only buy stuff like Chex and Oatmeal Squares but occasionally things like Frosted Flakes and Cocoa Puffs mysteriously appear in the cupboard.  By now the twins have long since finished their bananas and have begun yelling at me that they want something else with their toddler grunts and screeches.  If I'm lucky I have frozen pancakes from leftovers if not they get dry cereal or a dry piece of toast.  Still no coffee.

Amidst all of this I try to unload and load the dishwasher, clean up a little and attempt to make a cup of coffee.  About the time the last drop of coffee is dripping from the Keurig into my cup all the kiddos finish breakfast and it's time to clean up the food explosion that has taken place under the twins and get all the kiddos moved to the baby safe zone in the basement.  I can't leave the twins alone even in the safe zone for very long because they climb the furniture and attack the tv, and those little guys are fast and use the distract and attack tactic.  

So I quickly throw a load of laundry in to wash and suck down my cold cup of coffee that was sitting sadly on the Keurig while standing just outside the safe zone making sure nobody breaks their neck.  While doing this I try to stay out of view of the twins because they had entered a stage where if mom is within view they both need to be climbing on me or yelling at me about something.  It's a bit exhausting, and sometimes painful to have two toddlers fighting all over your body.

Since it's summer and I have an extra kiddo, F, we take a little morning time to run around and play or we watch a short show.  When the babies lay down for their morning nap I read a couple chapters of a book to the older kiddos (Little House on the Prairie right now), change the laundry, and fold some while the kiddos play or color.  Sometimes if I'm feeling industrious I'll sneak in some other housework like vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms or mopping floors.  Let's focus on the fact that I stated "IF" I'm feeling industrious.  If not then I take some time for me and drink a cup of coffee when it's actually hot and then catch up on emails, Facebook and if I'm super lucky I can sneak in reading an actual book!  

If it's a good nap day the babies sleep until 11am.  But today D had a dentist appointment at 10:30 and the older kiddos started swim lessons at 11:40, so the twins took a short nap and I threw a snack in my humongous purse and we loaded up to head to the dentist.  The twins hung out in their stroller, and W and F played with the toys in the waiting room and D had an awesome checkup at the dentist! 

 

From there we headed to swimming lessons.  This I had to brainstorm beforehand because the viewing gallery at the pool is upstairs and there is no elevator to take, so the stroller was out.  So as has become typical in our life we have to get creative.  We do own two Ergo baby carriers and up until now I've only used one.  Today I used two.  How you might ask?  I had H on my back and V on my front!

I surprised a lot of people at the pool because they didn't notice H and only saw V on the front.  It actually wasn't too hard to do and I found that it balanced me out quite well and I was able to stand up straight.  Maybe wearing both babies could be good for my posture!

After that it was home for lunch and quiet time.  The older kiddos have been fighting some lately so today I made them have quiet time in separate rooms.  I told them they could pick out some books and spend the time reading.  I was happy to find that W and F both fell asleep!  They took great naps and D got some good reading in.  I take this daily quiet time to finish up the laundry, and attack some more chores.  Then I might just have another hot cup of coffee and try to keep myself upright and awake.

For some reason the twins get extremely irritable and cranky in the late afternoon hours before dinner.  Lately there's been lots of fighting between the two, crying and screaming.  The noise level in the house seems to be about on the same level as the mosh pit at a Green Day concert.  Wait - are they still called that?  I think I just dated myself.

Anyway, we somehow survive until dinner comes and goes, along with the typical chaos and fighting about finishing dinner and yet another food explosion under the twins.  They're working on a pretty impressive radius.  Maybe there's a world record in their future.

If it's bath/shower night - which by the way does not happen as often as it should - the twins get a bath and the older two shower.  Bathing twin toddlers is an adventure in and of itself - but that's for another post.

Our - or should I say my - goal is to have the twins in bed by 7:15ish and the older two in bed between 7:30 and 8:00pm.  If this actually happens it's a miracle, but I try because I like the fifteen minutes between when the kids fall asleep and I can no longer keep my eyes open.  Who am I kidding, I'm lucky if I'm awake past 8.  That's why it was so amazing I stayed up and watched a movie with the hubby last night!

And that folks is a day in the life of a caffeine starved, crazy mom of four boys under the age of seven and it is well past my bedtime!  

Until next time!

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The Start of Summer Vacation

Well, the first day of summer vacation has come and passed.  All the kids are still alive and fairly happy.  So far so good.  Only three more months to go.

I had told the kiddos that we were going to have a couple lazy days before I started making things more structured, so yesterday we got up, had breakfast and I let them watch some tv.  When it was nap time for the babies I let them watch a movie.  Don't judge.  I had stuff to do and I needed them quiet!

After lunch I felt brave and decided to take everyone to the local library.  It's a nice little library with a possessed train table in the kids section that apparently takes control and refuses to let them leave.  I have had quite a few run ins this this wicked little train table, so I had to try to reason with the children before they were under its spell.  I told them they had to pick out library books first and then they could answer the siren call of the trains.  

So I wandered the kids section picking out some books while the older three: D, W and F, played nicely and quietly!  This always makes me slightly nervous.  When the twins started getting restless I told the kids it was time to move on and if they left calmly and quietly we could make a stop at the park outside the library.  I had some excited kiddos on my hands but they managed to keep it in control so we got to go to the park!  We also managed to check out quite the haul of library books!

Surprisingly the twins sat nicely in their stroller and watched the older three run around and be crazy but play well with each other at the same time.  

We stayed at the park for about 20-30 minutes and when I said it was time to head home- it was getting close to the twins nap time- I was shocked when the older three came right along with me!  There was no whining, yelling or fit throwing!  Once again....very nervous.

The nice part about going to the library is the kids are excited to read the books they just got.  So when the twins took their afternoon nap it was quiet reading time for everyone else.  D and W read on their beds and F read upstairs by me where I got to sit down and read an actual book with a warm cup of coffee!  That is my happiness!  Quiet, books and coffee.

All in all the first day of summer vacation was a huge success!  I had well behaved kids who listened, I got chores done and still managed to get in some reading.   I'll take it!

Of course I stayed up too late and all the kids were up by 6:30 a.m.  H was the first of my kiddos awake and I didn't want him to wake up everyone else so I decided to try and have him lay with me for a few more minutes.  He did manage to lay quietly for a few minutes and then he started poking my eyes, sticking his fingers up my nose and slapping me, laughing the whole time.  Apparently that meant it was time to get up.

Today is a rainy, stormy summer day so we had five minutes of running the crazies out around the basement and then I read to the older kids for about 30 minutes followed by a movie.  

After lunch I hauled the babies downstairs to run free and the older kids just would not come downstairs.  So I went in search of them and discovered all three were cleaning the floors upstairs!  

Who are these children and what have they done with the real ones!?!  There weren't enough tools to clean the floors with so F used the dust mop, W got the duster and D wiped windows down.  Not sure how they got the idea but for kids they did a pretty good job!

Next up is quiet reading time.  I'll keep my fingers crossed I can get my book out again!  It's like a reset for me.

I'm not completely delusional though.  I think they're trying to lull me into a false sense of security and routine, and then -WHAM - the boredome, fighting and crazy kids that I know and love will return with a vengeance.  

But until then I'm going to enjoy this lull!

Until next time!

Crazy

So today was D's last day of school.  He is now a 3rd grader.  Not sure where the year has gone, at times it felt like it would never end and at others a month went by in the blink of an eye.  

On D's last day of kindergarten, the hubby and I decided it would be fun to take him out to lunch since they were done at noon.  We did it again for first grade and now it has become our little family tradition to take the kiddos out to lunch on the last day of school.

D decided yesterday that he wanted to go to a yummy local pizza chain and we thought: great!  We did kind of steer him in that direction.  Anyway, today being a Wednesday was also my errand day.  I needed to run to Target and our new Super 1 grocery store to pick up a few things.  So target was up first after dropping at off at school, then Super 1 and then a quick trip home to unload before picking D up.  

I do have to say that the shopping trips were very smooth and uneventful today.  That should've been my first sign.  The babies fell asleep in the car on the way to run things home, so I left them sleeping in their car seats as I unloaded and made sure we had everything we'd need for our lunch adventure.

About the time we arrive at D's school the babies are both awake and a little grumpy.  So at this point they've probably had about a 30-45 minute nap.  I figure today is a special day so I unload everyone from the car, babies get to hang out in their stroller for a little bit so they can see some of the other kiddos.  Two other moms, who are great friends of mine are there too, and in total we have 12 kiddos. Yep, you read that right: 12, but they are 12 great kids!

It's the usual chaos, but it's also a chance to sneak in a little mom conversation too.  Today only one poor kiddo got hurt, could always be much worse and has in the past. 

We load back up and head to lunch to meet that the hubby.  He's a few minutes behind me so I grab a twin in each arm, make sure the older two are with me and safe and in we go.  

Look how happy we are.  Yeah, it was only for pictures and then it all goes downhill from there.  Breadsticks ordered for the babies who are sitting in highchairs at the end of our booth which isn't quite wide enough to accommodate the two.  Then starts the sippy cup throwing, crayon eating, food dropping, screeching adventure called lunch.  I'm sure we were getting lots of looks but by now I don't even notice them any more.  H decided to screech and throw a massive fit because he wanted food, and then when the food arrived it was hot so then he didn't want anymore food so he screeched about that.  Finally I grabbed him out of the highchair.  As you mothers out there who have spent a meal out with a 16 month old toddler on your lap well know, it was not a walk in the park.  I spent lunch dodging head thrusts, sippy cups and food as I tried to sneak some of my food in.  

Somehow we survived.  And once again vow that this isn't going to happen again for a long time.  At least until we forget how miserable it was the last time.

Time for a nap.  For everyone.

Until next time!

Why?

Today you can find me at the bottom of a baby dogpile full of drool and snot.  Need proof?  Here's an image I somehow managed to capture.  ( the exhausted look and bags under my eyes are completely normal)

For some reason today is climb on mommy day.  I can't put the babies down, I can't walk away and if I have one the other must get up there too.  I shouldn't complain because they do love me, I think.  I can sense it in there between the hits, smacks and head butts.  But so goes life with boys.  

Back to the bottom of the baby dogpile.  I'm under there trying to not get hurt or let one of them get hurt when I find myself wondering first, why am I wearing a white shirt, and secondly, why do I even own any.  It's a good day when I don't have a coating of green boogers, slobber and various remnants of food on me, and that's not necessarily from the babies.  Boys are gross.  

Short and to the point.  They are walking, talking messes, with various bodily fluids and sounds emanating from different places at random times.  And let me tell you: those sounds are hysterical - even to a baby boy.  One of the older boys passes gas and the babies laugh at it!  And we don't refer to it as likely as I just did, no, it is just plain called a fart.  But I stray...

So being surrounded by four of these little guys, I cannot grasp why I thought it would be a good idea to purchase white shirts.  Until my boys have gotten to the point where they are not drooling, getting snot everywhere and wiping Cheetos powder on me (please God let this happen at some point!) I think a base color for me in my wardrobe will have to be charcoal grey or black.  Wait, unless we have pancakes...then there's the powdered sugar....ok, never mind.  I'm just screwed.  So if you run into me in public and I have a child sized orange handprint on my butt, green boogers dried on my sleeve and drool spots on my shoulder, just smile.  It's nothing new in my life testosterone filled life.

But if you're feeling especially generous, smile and hand me a cup of caffeine.  

I would love you forever.  No joke, forever.

Until next time!

The Crazy Celiac: Sweet Melissa's Gluten Free Baking Company

I want to do a brief plug tonight for my good friend Melissa, from The Crazy Celiac!  She did a guest post in May about celiac disease and her struggle to get healthy.  She is in the process of getting her baking business up and running!  She also does kitchen consults to help people eat paleo and go gluten free.

I cannot say enough about how yummy her treats are and every time I see her pictures of her meals my mouth starts watering and my tummy rumbles!  D has a peanut allergy and she is so conscientious about making sure everything is allergy friendly for him. 

She is an amazing, baker, friend, and mother and I have no doubt she will be successful in her endeavor!  If you or someone you know struggles with celiac or eats gluten free or paleo, check out her blog and definitely check out her new company Sweer Melissa's Gluten Free Baking Company!!  You will not be disappointed!

You can find it at the following link:
The Crazy Celiac: Sweet Melissa's Gluten Free Baking Company: Yep, you read that right! I'm working on getting my LLC up and running so I can start selling my delicious gluten free baked goods. I am...

Be sure to check it out and spread the word!  

Until next time!

Planning for Summer Survival

Well, it has been awhile again since my last post.  I'm trying to post a couple times a week for several reasons, but mostly because I like it!  Like everything in my life I'm finding I have to make time for it.

Right now in our crazy life, D has one and a half days of school left, I'm recovering from a nasty sinus thing, and we are finally settled into our temporary living arrangements (which are amazing!), and as of right now I'm excited for summer.  Ask me again in about two weeks though.

To help survive, and I do mean survive, our summer I am making out plans for daily-weekly activities.  I find that if the days aren't semi-structured D and W get antsy and bored.  I'll also have another, kiddo Miss F, so I think planning ahead will make things easier on everyone.  So here is my idea for summer!

Movie day Monday 

Library Tuesday 

Water Wednesday 

Crafty Thursday 

Field trip Friday

Maybe one of these needs to be a park day and also I could make the first summer craft making and coloring some calendar pages so we know what's coming when, it's kind of a work in progress.

Next week starts swimming lessons for the older kiddos which should be interesting.  D has a football camp at the end of August and will continue to do his gymnastics through the summer.  I'm looking at maybe a soccer camp for W since he seemed to enjoy soccer so much, but we'll see.   

Of course this still needs to be a little flexible because things are in a constant state of change around here!  I will also have a weekly play date set up with some of my other mom friends so the kids can see their friends and also so I can stay tethered to my sanity.   Curious as to how many kiddos we have combined?  Here's a pic:

What you can't see is another child in a stroller and two more who aren't in attendance to this event!  We have a crew.

Within each day we will also have time set aside for quiet reading time and solo time so that all the kiddos don't end up fighting all day.  

I did see a good tip that I want to try it's called the boredom basket.  It's full of activities and chores and when a child comes to me saying they are bored I'll get it out and they pick one and that's what they get to do, like it or not!   

As crazy as summer is to get through, it does seem to fly by and the next thing you know it'll be the start of another school year and then snowing.  So I'm going to try my hardest to enjoy the little things this summer and take it at a relaxed pace.  I want to leave a little time for spontaneity - which is hard with four kiddos, but I want us to be able to enjoy our summer and not be going at a crazy pace!

I do not want my summer to look like this:

I want to be able to enjoy the amazing Montana summer that looks a little like this:

What do you all do to stay sane in the summer??  

Let me know in the comments below!!

_____________

Interesting tidbit about this post:  I wrote this on my iPad mini with 15 month old twin boys climbing on me, around me, the couches and anything else they could get a foothold on.  The older two were doing their own part to keep me on my toes and ignoring their twin brothers who were also super interested in the tv, the tv remote and my phone.  

Somehow I managed to keep anyone from getting hurt, nothing got broken and I got this post done!  

That's my super power, what's yours?

Until next time!