May

Welcome to May.

I've decided to take a much needed mental health break (spoiler alert!) from the chaos that is my life to come back to my blog.  My current chaos can wait for another day.

On May 1st I started seeing things about how May is the national month for several different causes.

May is:

• Mental Health Awareness Month
• Celiac Awareness Month
• Asthma Awareness Month
• National Brain Tumor Awareness Month
• ALS Awareness Month
• National ADHD Awareness Month
• Lyme Disease Awareness Month
• National Historic Preservation Month
• National Physical Fitness and Sports Month
• National Bike Month
• National Pet Month
• National Guide Dog Month
• Hatian Heritage Month
• South Asian Heritage Month
• Asian Pacific American Heritage Month
• Jewish American Heritage Month (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_commemorative_months#May)

May is a busy month - and don't forget Mother's Day and Memorial Day!  A couple of these are very near and dear to me and I would like to explore and discuss them today and in some following posts.

Today's post is a very personal one for me, and I share my story to help bring attention to the first topic on the list above: Mental Health Awareness Month.

This topic is one that is very important to me, my family, friends and millions of people across the country.  In 1949 an organization called Mental Health America (founded in 1909) and it's affiliates across the country started observing Mental Health Awareness Month in May and in 2013 President Obama proclaimed the month as Mental Health Awareness Month.  Within May there is also a National Children's Mental Health Awareness Day which this year is observed on May 8.

"What is mental illness?

A mental illness is a medical condition that disrupts a person's thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning. Just as diabetes is a disorder of the pancreas, mental illnesses are medical conditions that often result in a diminished capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of life." 

(http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness)

I cannot even begin to tell you all how important this topic is to me.  There is a strong family history of depression and mental health issues in my family and it is something that has never really been discussed.  I wish we could have been more open about such things because it would've made it easier for me and others to seek the help that was needed.

There is such a stigma attached to saying you need help for mental health that most people avoid getting the help they deserve.  I desperately want this to change.  I don't think there is anything to be ashamed about in asking for help.

I have struggled with depression off and on for as long as I can really remember.  I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder when I was in high school and was put on some medication that really did help.  When I started college depression again reared it's ugly head.  I had occasional thoughts of what it would be like to step in front of a car and I would have panic attacks walking across my college campus.  I eventually took advantage of the school's free counseling at the health center, my meds were adjusted and I made it through that wave of depression.  After I was married I went off my meds and actually did well for several years.  I would have the occasional days or weeks that were bad but I managed them ok.  Looking back I know I had the "baby blues" after our first son, D, was born and I am 99% sure that I had postpartum depression (PPD) after our second son, W, was born.  I managed to bring myself out of both of these episodes without medication or treatment.  After our twins were born was a whole other story.

I'm pretty sure my depression actually started before they were born.  The last part of the pregnancy I just couldn't move very well, started struggling with day to day things around the house, and was terrified of the prospect of bringing two babies home.  I felt like I couldn't take care of my older two kids and seemed to myself pretty much useless.  When they were finally born I was excited but I did not feel that immediate undying love that mothers are, according to others, supposed to feel for their newborns.  I hate to admit it but at the time the sound of H's cry sounded like nails on a chalkboard to me and it breaks my heart to think about it.  Having newborn twins is hard, there is no other way to say it.  I dreaded getting out of bed in the morning and started counting down the hours until I could sleep again before even crawling out of bed.  I cried all the time mostly about nothing.  I wasn't connecting or bonding with my babies, and the older two suffered the wrath of mommy too many times.  When the babies would wake up at night I would get angry, I would see red and sob uncontrollably.  My temper flared at the drop of a hat.  We were all in misery.  Unfortunately I waited until my six week postpartum appointment to discuss all of this with my doctor.  I wish I had gone in sooner, because she put me on some meds that got it under control, for awhile at least.  After about 6-7 months my anger started up again and as much as it scares me to admit I had thoughts of hurting my older kids and thank the good lord I didn't.  I am so ashamed to admit to this, but once I did I was able to get help through a change of medication and counseling.  After being at my appointments with me as I discussed these issues with my doctor Mr. L saw things in a new light.  I think he finally realized how real it was and how much help I needed and he really stepped up to the plate for me.  I am no longer in counseling but I still take daily meds to help me with depression.  I still have my bad days, but am learning how to cope and get through them.

I always feel more accepted and connected when friends and I can share our experiences and struggles with mental health issues.  It makes me realize that I am not alone and my hope is more people can open up about it.  The numbers are staggering:

"One in four adults−approximately 61.5 million
Americans−experiences mental illness in a given
year. One in 17−about 13.6 million−live with a serious
mental illness such as schizophrenia, major depression
or bipolar disorder"
(http://www.nami.org/factsheets/mentalillness_factsheet.pdf)

I hope by sharing my story you understand part of who I am, and if anyone feels like they would like to share their story of struggle please email me, I would love to have some guest posts about this topic to help spread awareness.

I want the shame to go away.  If you need help, seek it out, find others to support you in your journey, because whether you know it or not people around you have experienced it in one form or another as well.  You are not alone.

If you get a moment be sure to take a look at the NAMI Fact Sheets to see more stats about mental illness.


Since May is also Celiac Awareness Month I will have a guest post about Celiac's disease coming up from my good friend Melissa over at the Crazy Celiac blog!  She is an amazing person and I would love for her to share her story with you and perhaps a recipe since she is a fantastic baker!!

Until next time!